Today Wasn’t It

Triple Chocolate Chip Muffin batter pan
Triple Chocolate Muffins Ready For The Oven

So what do you do when your head hurts too much for you to focus on writing?!?!
If you are me, today…..you Bake!!!

Like a lot of people I suffer from a couple different types of headaches. During season changes I can get sinus headaches from my allergies and I also suffer from migraines.
If you are a fellow migraine suffer then you know that you can actually have what I refer to as levels of migraines….usually, two of them…the ones that you can try to ignore and work through, but you really aren’t…and the full-blown ones, that put you in the quietest, darkest place you can find curled up in a ball, hoping for sleep to cover up the pain and outlast the attack so that you can wake-up and pretend it didn’t happen and hopefully not miss too much in the day or two that you were hiding!

So, today, for me, is one of those days where the pain isn’t enough to make me hide away, but, it is the constant pain that is enough to keep me from being able to focus on anything truly mental. Partly, cause while light and sound is not unbearable it is unpleasant to say the least; thus, staring at a computer screen to write is more than I truly want to endure.  For example this article has taken me several starts and stops, as well as, straight-up breaks and we are only 3 paragraphs in. But, it isn’t only the light of the screen that is an issue, it is that the pain in my brain causes it to just stop thinking. I can be in the middle of writing and it just stops, the thought(s) is gone and nothing replaces it. Neither is good for writing or meeting a deadline!

Triple Chocolate Chip Muffins Baked
Fresh from the oven!

At least we have Triple Chocolate Muffins to console us! Or so I am claiming. I mean we do have them and I am using it to console myself for not starting on the next article for Random Thought, but, I will still need to catch-up in the next 36 hours. Such is the life of migraine sufferers.

And we all find ways to deal with our own issues and quirks and that is a good thing. Sometimes, it can be hard to remember that we all have our own quirks from dealing with our own issues and thus we are not always so ready to make allowances for others, mostly cause we do not stop to think that maybe this is their quirk, we just assume that others are “normal”, whatever that is and have no quirks cause they have no issues. But, we all have own issues!

Ooo, Let’s Try Something New!

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Sunset on the Danube – Daniel De Jan

I know that I have not posted much over the last who knows how long, but maybe that should change! I think that it is time to get back in the swing of things and even to try some new things! Those of you that do know me, know that I do have other blogs of different topics and no, I have not been active on them either; again, let’s see about changing things!
So what do I mean, change things, I mean to do different things and see where they lead us. I have tried to keep this area personal, however due to me being a private person, I have been very specific about what I have shared here. Maybe, it is time for something of a change. No, I will not suddenly start reveling ALL, just being more balanced in sharing different parts of my world, so that there is a more complete image.

What that means is that some days might be cooking and others are you serious that’s a thing rants and others will be sharing my subjection of the latest occupation of time that my baby has discovered and insists on sharing with me; misery, loveth camaraderie! And lots of things in between.

I hope that you are interested in the new tales that will be spun here and the adventures or misventures as the cases may be! And I hope to be more active on some of my other venues as well and I am even really considering giving you guys something differently new as well. We will see how much time and energy I can manage, in addition to 4 courses, right now that is, and starting a new biz or two, too! Whew! What am I thinking!?!?!?

Can We “Write”

Man has been attempting to communicate probably since the beginning of time! Not always successfully, still not always successfully; but, he keeps trying and that is the important part. In the modern world, focused on having things, making things, trading things, we have used our priorities to define past communication styles and successes. We have declared that man did not need to have a writing system until he needed to count for money purposes.Thus we only recognize previous attempts at a written system of communication based on what we see as established commerce in a societal group or settled region with several groups, and we identify these groups that have developed a need for commerce as becoming civilized. We even teach that ‘counting marks’ and ‘bookkeeping’ were the first writing, completely discounting all the other reasons that we communicate in a written or graphically symbolic way. This is a very narrow and one-dimensional approach to studying and understanding our history and those that came before us.

geometric signs ice age europe
Genevieve von Petzinger
In the past, there has been some suggestion that written language, or graphical, forms of communications, has developed in different locales for different reasons. While it does seem logical that Sumerian and other Near-East civilizations began developing written forms for the sake of record keeping, bookkeeping and taxation purposes, it is thought that it is more probable that graphic expression in Europe formed out of religious need. However, the development of written communication is ambiguous at best, with some civilizations, Egypt being the best known, seeming to take up writing virtually overnight; and even the Sumerians appearing to take leaps and bounds in advancement once they appear on the scene.
Against this background, but without this focus, I was perusing YouTube and fell into the Ted rabbit-hole. While there I found a talk by Genevieve von Petzinger. She is a paleoanthropologist from Canada and for her Masters she researched the existence of commonality within the cave art of Ice Age Europe. I found her talk interesting and well researched and presented, please check it out for yourself. While finding merit in her study, it made me wonder about just what she might be on to, if the search were expanded.
greek writingIf one studies writing or written communications, then one is exposed to the very obvious and even the not so obvious development of symbols used to convey sounds, words, thoughts, ideas and concepts, or emotions. There are clear ‘improvements’ of the symbol collections used by a culture over time or from one dominant culture to the next, which is clearly displayed in a Google search image search result to the left. The similarities, as well as, the logical evolution of certain symbols over time, as the styles and methods of using and creating or putting down the symbols changed, in order to make the exchange of information, concepts, ideas, thoughts and feelings more efficient and thus the sharing broader, is evident.
Some of the symbols have lost some of their parts and others have changed their orientation. Some have become simpler in construction while others are not recognized when placed by the original symbol and others have remained virtually unchanged and some seem to have combined previous separate symbols into one new symbol. In addition, within a specific written symbol family you can find multiple variants; take for example, our own, I am sharing this information with you via the latin alphabet symbol family; however, if I were using another language instead of English, then I might use a differing form of latin, whether it would be French, Spanish, German, Slavic or something else the symbols would not be identical, but would be recognized to a greater or lesser extent even by a non speaker of the language. And it is those commonalities that are the first clues used to attempt to understand the symbolic communication symbols of those cultures that came before us.
One of the earliest proposed forms of such organized symbolic ‘written’ communication system are the symbols used by the peoples that we call the Danubian culture of Europe, scattered throughout the lands surrounding the Danube River of Central and Southeastern Europe. Since, the Sumerians are given the title of “the first writers in history,” something that I have always felt was premature to be sure, all other suggestions of writing are supposed to fall into alignment with the accepted dates for Sumerian development and example. Thus, the first rebuke of suggesting that the “Danubian script” was in fact writing was tentatively allowed on the basis that it would have been “given” to these peoples from the much more civilized Sumerians in their great trading. That rebuke did not hold water once the science proved that “Danubian script” was found in much earlier sediments than any possible interactions with Sumeria would have been possible. Not all researchers accept that these peoples had a language or a symbol system for recording or expressing their language, however, there are certain examples that support the theory of both a symbol system and a common and widespread use of the system. Researchers have cataloged over 50 symbols that they claim make up the Danubian script and some of them can be seen in different forms in later scripts from the region, such as Liner A and B.

Below is one of the published collections of the Danubian script, unfortunately, I cannot give credit to or for this image, as it is one that I have had in my notes for years and have unfortunately lost the credits for, but it shows symbols that were used on pottery and other pieces over a region that covers much of the Danube river basin area and surrounding areas from Bulgaria to Croatia.

Danubian Symbols
Danubian Script
I am sure that you can see some symbols in the image above that are very recognizable to you and others that maybe feel similar to something that you are familiar with. In addition, I am sure that you can see symbols that are similar to the “Ice Age Cave Art Collection” of G. von Petzinger, top and the ‘ancient Greek regional scripts’ among the Danube Script.

Urge

I got the urge to write today. An urge that I have not had in many months. An urge, that honestly, I thought had been decimated in the chaotic cyclonic conflagration that was my world for most of last year.

As with most of what remains in the aftermath of destruction it does not seem to resemble its old self. So distorted is the appearance that I am not even sure it is what it appears to be. Maybe I am merely caught in the delusion of the eye’s calm beguile and not truly through to the other side. I have that feeling, that sinking one that we get in the very pit of our being, the one that warns of something, something coming, something bad coming.

Am I being overly dramatic? Am I being paranoid? Am I being self-destructive? Am I letting old scars overwhelm me?

This urge, while it has the tool….writing…..it resembles nothing else.

That is not my normal method. I am not a born writer. Writing is not the URGE! Sharing, knowledge, learning, thinking, questioning….that is the URGE. Writing has just become the means by which to exercise the urge. Discourse, dialogue, speaking, listening, conversing could just as easily be the means and even a more desirable one for its intimacy, intensity, immediacy, mobility and emotionality.  But, writing is the one that only requires me and no one else, while the other means requires the attendance and participation of at least somebody or anybody but cannot be accomplished with nobody.

Thus, I wonder, why the urge to write and why today? And what am I supposed to write about?  The about has always been my urge before. It is the topic or subject matter or message that has always created the urge in the past. It was the about that screamed to be told that created the urge that became the writing; not, the writing that created the urge to find an about.

So here I sit trying to figure out  why I have an urge without the about and how to discover the about so that the urge can be relieved and I feel as foreboding as the gray clouds covering the sky in the chill that is so rare for this little town on the river.

Words

They plan escapes,
They carry you off to far away lands,
They protect you,
They make you forget the hourglass sands.

Sights and sounds
Wonders and delights,
Places and people,
Hope and freedom.

You are strong,
You are clever,
You are brave,
You are pretty.

Dreams and desires,
Rivers and mountains,
War and peace,
Justice and honor.

Find the answer,
Find the way,
Find your purpose,
Find your path.

Time and space,
Light and darkness,
Heroes and kingdoms,
Seas and shores.

Take the chance,
Take the risk,
Take the bet,
Take it all.

They can take you away,
They can bring you back,
They can keep you safe,
They can make you sound.

Words on pages
bound in books
the answer to ever
within each line

Digging in the Archives of my Randomness…….

Part Three

Ok so I told you that I would think about what direction I was going to take and let you know.
Well, I think what I will do is give you the idea without spilling the beans so to speak.
I was, hell I am, somewhat intimidated by the idea of character development and even to a degree setting set-up makes me antsy. How much is too much and how little is too little? And either one can make the story really bad. So I thought that I would do something that would put the emphasis more on the dialogue than on the characters or setting.
For right now the setting will be one location — just a room, but you may not be able to pick up on that initially.
And the characters will be more like background noise — it will be more their dialogue that creates them, or the dialogue of others. Some characters will only be players because they are the topic of the dialogue at that point.
So we will have to see how this goes, the intent is to show some humor while addressing serious issues. There will be some randomness to the direction but that is intentional. My disclaimer up front is that this is National Novel Writing Month — Novel meaning a work of fiction — fiction meaning not real :-)
Ok, I will be right back and we will get started………..
so did you miss me? of course not, because for you I wasn’t even gone.
I wonder would you have missed me if you were sitting here and saw me leave the room?
Probably not, why would you, what would there really be to miss, just another body, just another nobody, just another place holder. It is truly ironic that some people very sincerely and truly believe that the world revolves around them, that we would all be lost without them, that they really make our day, hell our life better just by their presence. And those same people are always totally and completely amazed, even crushed when we do leave their presence, when we — the nobodies — walk outta their lives. How can we do something like that? What are we thinking? Are we really that stupid? Do we not know how lucky we were to be chosen to be their follower, their door mat, their toy, even their punching bag?
Of course they are only responsible for their good actions, anything mean or abusive or destructive was all our fault. Their lies, their cheating, their drinking, their manipulation, their flaws, their whatever somehow all of it was our fault — for someone so perfect has no flaws of their own!
So no, not that you are that person, but you did not miss me when I was gone. And that is ok, I did not miss you while I was gone either. So while I should not be hurt over your insensitivity, you expect some explanation as to why I didn’t miss you……hum, maybe you are that person.
But, you have a different name, the color of your eyes are different, the sound of your voice is different, you smell different, you feel different, yet, the words are the same, the lies are the same, the actions are the same, no you are not that person, but you are just like that person.
“Here we go, round 2. How can someone with a gensis IQ be such an idiot? What is it about me that is, is …..I don’t know? I guess if I knew maybe I could prevent this mess.
Well, I know how to prevent from now on. It is not going to happen again. There will be NO MORE, I tell you. I won’t do this again. I’m done. Maybe a one night stand, maybe a short hot fling, but no more long term anything.
You know what I just do not get, what is so hard about being honest? Why not just say ‘these are the things that I want from you. And these are the things that I am willing to give you.’ ? And if the terms are agreeable to both parties then enjoy it, have fun, see where the ride goes. But if it is not then just shake hands and go your separate ways. No harm, no foul.
Why do people insist on being with people that they don’t like, that they don’t care about, that they have no connection with? I like football, but I want to be with someone who thinks the sport is stupid and is going to yell at me every time that I watch a game. I hate exercise, but I am going to fall for a gym rat. I gotta have my meat and potatoes, but that vegan is the one for me. I only want sex once a week, and then with the lights off and missionary style only, so I am going to ask the nympho to move in with me.
If that is normal, no wonder I need therapy!! If that is sane, no wonder I am considered crazy!!”
“Is that what you think? Do you think that you are crazy?”
“How honest do you really want me to be?”
“Well, that is up to you, but for this to work, you are going to have to be honest with yourself.”
“Oh, I think I am very honest with myself. I think that such honesty is how I can see the stupidity around me that the rest of the world seems to ignore.”
“And what stupidity is it that you see, that the rest of us ignore?”
“Wow, now I know why you charge by the hour. Just answering that question alone will keep you in business for the next year.”
“So is that part of the stupidity that you think the rest of us ignore? The fact that I charge by the hour?”
“Well, no but now that you mention it, it does seem kinda stupid that you charge by the hour, yet we are only in here for 50 minutes. So I get jipped 10 minutes and you get a 10 minute bonus. So shouldn’t you charge for 50 minute blocks or charge by the minute? But then again, you would still get the 10 minute bonus, because you would not lower your rates by one sixth, you simply divide your hour rate by 50 minutes. See that is part of the problem, we as a society measure every thing by money or material compensation.
Doctors do not become doctors to help people, they are in it for the money. Lawyers are not in it for truth and justice, they are in it for the money. Even shrinks, are in it for the money. Money, money, money. Do you realize that I can take all your money and all the things that your money bought you and light a match to them and they will be gone? Then where will you be? What will you have left? How will you define yourself then?”
“How do you define yourself, Laura?”
“I don’t.”
“Why not?”
“Why should I? To steal from William, ‘that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.’. And there is always, ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’. So, how I define myself is merely a relative perception of physical features, abstract context, and distorted visions.”
“So if I ask, ‘who is Laura’, what would you reply?
“Depends.”
“Depends on what?”
“Depends on who is asking, what they are looking for, why they want to know.”
“I am asking.”
“You know who Laura is.”
“Do I?”
“Don’t you?”
“You tell me.”
“How do I know what you do or don’t know?”

Digging in the Archives of my Randomness……

Part Two

Well, this is day one of our writing exercise. I am not sure that I will actually develop any story line or characters that could one day play out on the pages of even a bad novel, but we will just write and see where we end up.
I was actually still writing away when life got busy and interrupted my writing yesterday, which in and of itself I must say is kinda cool. Maybe there is room somewhere in the dark corners of my empty hall of imagination that might just be fostering some little idea.
I took a Classical Mythology class a few years ago and the professor is of the opinion, and I must say that on some level I do agree with him, that the best and only originals stories ever written were the myths. Everything since then are just rewrites of the old. For our final, to illustrate his point, we compared and contrasted The Odyssey with the movie “Oh Brother Where Art Thou”. Point taken!
I enjoy some of the myths, the shorter lesser known ones. I think that the stories of old should get more credit than they do. It often amazes me how we are so arrogant and egocentric in our review of the past. What give us the right to think that we are more intelligent, cultured or civilized than the ancients?
I cant say that I find us that way. I tend to think that we are not as smart as they were. There were more than capable of understanding the need for balance, they were capable of more happiness, and the show an amazing understanding of the world that they lived in, even on a cosmic level.
They were also great story tellers. Of course there was not much in the way of entertainment so story-telling became a true art form. And such an endearing form it was that it lasted thousands of years, much longer than the written word has been telling tales.
All that being said what a daunting task for us pions to come up with some yarn that will wrap itself so tightly around the reader as to encompass their very being. Aim high. Shoot for the stars. Or just write a good story. Now those are some lofty goals!
I must confess that the one thing that do seem to be accomplishing is the beating around the bush, the saying a whole lot without really saying anything at all. I have learned how to ramble on and on about meaningless thoughts and ideas and not even bringing the topic full circle. If you were sitting where I am right this very minute and I do mean very minute you would see that I have typed 401 words without saying 1 thing. Now there is enough talent to get me a good shot at becoming President. :-)
Some how I have the feeling that the writing that we are encouraged to do for the NaNoWriMo is probably suppose to be a little more focused, with some goal in mind. So what goal should I set for myself to endeavor to reach this month with my writing and rambling? Not selling myself short, but I do not see signed, self-published, first editions under the tree for all my friends and relatives, which is probably a good thing.
I also do not trust myself to write any form of an autobiographical nature. Ah, what luck, a glance at the clock tells me that I need to put on my shoes and go get my baby. But I will keep in mind just what goal I will set for myself and will disclose it tomorrow, I suppose.

Digging in the Archives of My Randomness……..

Part One….
I read a blog here this morning about November being National Novel Writing Month or NaNoWriMo for short.  So the challenge is to write a little everyday and then by the end of November we will have a finished book and all be best selling novelists by Christmas. Well maybe not all of us, but if you are an avid reader like I am then you know that sometimes talent doesn’t seem to have anything to do with success. I do not know if I will be able to accept this challenge, but I figure that I will give it a go.
Okay, the idea is to write some everyday. While I do think that writing is a great exercise as well as a great source of communication I am not always the best at it. I see writing as a very personal way of expressing ourselves at the deepest levels and since I am not someone who is very comfortable at divulging my inner feelings I seem to maintain a natural writer’s block. If, however, my writing is not of a personal nature but of a factual nature then I seem to find it easy for the words to flow from thoughts to what you see on “paper”.
I thought for a long time that I was not capable of writing anything worth reading, but I had the fortunate blessing of a very special person entering my life for a short time. Through many long conversations about our different cultures, different religions, different experiences and different histories, my respect for him grew to a level I had never experienced before with another person. With him I could totally be myself, I didn’t not have to worry about his perception of me. I wasn’t too smart, I didn’t know too much, I wasn’t too curious, I didn’t talk too much, it was a really amazing experience. I cherish every minute of it and there are moments still that I miss it painfully.
Since he walked outta my life there has been no one else that has come close to being the confidant that he was. There is no one else with whom I so relish engaging. There is no one else that I so hungrily devour every moment with. There is no one else that I so desire to speak to, whose voice I so long to hear, whose opinion I treasure so much. There is, without a doubt, no one else that I miss so terribly. There is no one else who has walked into my life for such a short time and left such a wonderful footprint.
And this — this is his legacy!
Every word that I struggle to place perfectly, every thought that I pain over expressing effectively, every single keystroke is his legacy to me. For he was the one that told me I should write. Ironically, he told me that I should write a book. I have not, as yet, found the courage to try something so grand as writing a book, however, how could I refuse him his request completely. So I blog; at least I used to. And I think, at least in my deluded mind, that I was getting pretty good at it. And then I hit a personal rough spot and stopped writing.
When that happened, when I put my pen down the strangest thing happened. I felt like a part of me had been ripped away, like I had lost a limb or one of my senses. How could I miss something that I had never thought me much good at anyway?  Why did I miss something that I didn’t think natural for me? What had happened in the course of the months that I had been writing? Had I actually developed a fondness for writing? Was writing not merely an exercise but maybe a recreation? Did I actually need to write?
So after a move that took me 3 states away, back close to my hometown and somewhere that I really didn’t want to be. After getting settled in and trying to regroup and regain some real life again, I decided that writing would help, that it would be like therapy for me. But I had been away so long that I was struggling. I could not focus, I felt no sense of accomplishment. The completed articles seemed lacking, deluded, boring.
I had always chosen my subjects based on what grabbed my attention, what headline or sound-bite had reached our and flipped my switch. So while most of my articles could be considered of military or international interest, I have thrown in some random rants about other things and once or twice I have even touched on the personal. But even when I found a headline or sound-bite that bit, nothing just seemed to hold me long enough for me to put some meat on it. So as the primaries were getting primed, I was getting discouraged. In January, I quit. I decided that personal issues had maybe taken too much of a toll on me. That maybe I would never get back what little success I had enjoyed. Could it be that I might never recover that maybe I had truly lost everything?
I guess we will see this month.