Birthday Bogus

birthdaySo last week was B’s birthday. I have to admit that I am not big on birthdays; I do try to do my best to do something special for those I love on their special day, but, I also try to make sure that I respect the fact that it is their special day and so if they would prefer to spend it with others or alone or doing something else with someone else, then I step back.
I also tend to be the one that no one knows for sure, if at all, when my birthday is. It is not information that I tend to share with others. Personally, I do not see the need. I have no desire to obligate others to behave in some socially dictated way on a specific day towards me that they would have no desire to do on any ordinary day.

Thus, those that know me, know that “no one knows my birthday”, not even most family, the plus side is that no one tends to know my age either, not for sure anyway. The plus there is more of a double edged sword, people treat you either by the age they think you are based on their view of you or they treat you the age they assume people must be to have reached or accomplished certain milestones in life. Thus, there are some that would probably be very surprised to know my age is so “high” or “low” depending on their point of view.

Here’s my issue with society being so focused on birthdays and ages. Birthdays are used to market more consumerism to people. Society implies that we are supposed to party it up on our birthday. Society also stresses the importance of buying and giving gifts on birthdays. In addition, as the numbers increase with each of these celebrations, we are judged by societal milestone beliefs.

You are expected to get your driver’s license on your 16th celebration and there will be questions if you do not.
A lot is made of one’s 18th celebration as well….on that one you are supposed to have the rest of your life planned out.
For your 21st, it is all about being able to legally drink!
Wait a minute, this is your 30th and you are single with no kids?!?!
What is wrong with you??? What are you waiting for??? You do know that your life is over with, right?
Just wait, now it’s your 40th and you are either still single or you a got married to get everyone off your back, so they would think that you really are successful or a normal adult! And that worked so well, that you are now one of the “normal” divorced “middle-agers”!

Usually between that dreaded 40th and or 50th, most people have been judged so much that they question everything about themselves and enter that proverbial “mid-life crisis”! Everyone and their mother has been telling “you” how to live your life and what you should do and what makes you happy so much so, that usually depending on the “you” that you are,
you lose it!

You snap! 

You rebel!

And you start looking for things that actually make you happy or truly excite you and these things make others mad or crazy or upset, but you don’t care, cause you have spent the last “lifetime” caring too much about what others think and even actually believing them that they know best or better or even that they know you, for that matter!
But No More!

What’s the point?
You spent so much energy trying to be part of the rat race.
Worse you have made yourself unhealthy by trying to win a race that is designed to keep you always in the back of the pack.
And now at that time in your life when you should be able to reflect on your accomplishments and take the time to enjoy the fruits of your labor, you are stressing about how you will cover the costs of your retirement, at this point you are well aware of the fact that none of the things that you gave the best of your life to are giving any of it back to you.

Your parents and grandparents worked the same job for their whole ‘careers’ and for their loyalty they got a decent retirement and were able to enjoy their golden years. Then those companies that were built on that loyalty, decided that it was the ‘share-holders’ and not the workers that made the company. The truth was lost to the profit margin! Dividends became the focus instead of the product or service that the company supposedly provided. So much so that we have companies today that make billions and they produce nothing, they sell nothing, they provide no service, yet they make billions. And the workers, they cannot even count on being able to retire, while trust-fund brats from share-holder robbery have never known a day of labor their whole lives.

And there’s your life!
There is where all those “birthdays” got you!
“Another day older and deeper in debt.”

Photo Credit: animatedimages.org

Ooo, Let’s Try Something New!

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Sunset on the Danube – Daniel De Jan

I know that I have not posted much over the last who knows how long, but maybe that should change! I think that it is time to get back in the swing of things and even to try some new things! Those of you that do know me, know that I do have other blogs of different topics and no, I have not been active on them either; again, let’s see about changing things!
So what do I mean, change things, I mean to do different things and see where they lead us. I have tried to keep this area personal, however due to me being a private person, I have been very specific about what I have shared here. Maybe, it is time for something of a change. No, I will not suddenly start reveling ALL, just being more balanced in sharing different parts of my world, so that there is a more complete image.

What that means is that some days might be cooking and others are you serious that’s a thing rants and others will be sharing my subjection of the latest occupation of time that my baby has discovered and insists on sharing with me; misery, loveth camaraderie! And lots of things in between.

I hope that you are interested in the new tales that will be spun here and the adventures or misventures as the cases may be! And I hope to be more active on some of my other venues as well and I am even really considering giving you guys something differently new as well. We will see how much time and energy I can manage, in addition to 4 courses, right now that is, and starting a new biz or two, too! Whew! What am I thinking!?!?!?

Is this love?

Since the begining of time people seem to have the need to be in control, not only in control of their own life, but in control of those around them. There’s a big difference between being a part of someone’s life and tearing apart someone’s life.

My entire life I have been told that I was different, but when people used that term to define me, it was more often than not in a negative way. Why? Well, simply because I never followed the “rules of crowd”.
What are the rules of crowd you may ask? Well, the rules of crowd are the rules of living life what majority considers normal despite the fact of the said thing perhaps not being normal.

An example, 50 years ago if you dressed what people dress like today, you would be called any name in the book. If you dress today what people dressed like 50 years ago you are considered weirdo.

So what is normal? That brings me to next question – What is love?

Is love having to text your partner 100 times a day, check in just as many times? Is love having to have passwords to emails, facebook and other social platforms within first 3 months of relationship to determine whether or not someone is cheating. In my opinion that alone is asking for trouble.

Love is build on trust, respect and understanding. My girlfriend and I are as of moment ocean apart. We do trust each other. We do communicate, but we don’t obsess if a day goes by and we didn’t get to talk or text.

I have another question, does it mean that you don’t love someone when you don’t reply with I love you or I miss you when someone expresses and confesses to you.
It seems that lots of relationships, relationship of any sorts, business, friendship, intitmate relationship, family relationships have turned into passive-agressive controlling behaviour where it’s always about YOU! and no one else.

When someone dies, first thing you think about is how are you going to live without them. Did you notice? It’s about you “Oh, poor me!”. You didn’t for a second think about the life of the other person how they felt just moments before passing away.

How many times have you heard “My partner makes me feel good about myself, he/she is encouraging, loving, caring”. Rarely anyone ever considers how their partner feels and how it affects their emotional and mental well being and then you end up surprised when someone calls quits.

The bottom line is – It’s always about you and how you feel and your needs. Learn how to leave the egoistic emotions aside and for once think about someone else, maybe then, just maybe, you will really understand what love really is.


What Have We Lost

Article said ways you cheat your relationships….
It was very real indeed.
We claim we are looking for true love,
A real relationship,
Fairy Tale ending….

Are we willing to earn it?
Profile says long walks holding hands,
Yet, your phone is what you hold tightest.
A plain “I love you” sits unread in your messenger,
Likes on your last post matters more.

We chase the DREAM and pass on happiness,
We say we want love, loyalty, and friendship
But we chase Facebook Fame
Twitter Titian status
And YouTube stardom.

Filtered photos hashtagging #honesty and #truth
Status quotes claiming love and loyalty
Secret profiles and messages….
Shhh! It’s nothing, not really…..
But, it takes all your time.

Do you know what real love is?
Do you know what real is?
Virtual has invaded our souls.
Virtual has warped our minds.
Convinced us the screen is real.
Illusion is the deal.

 

Photo by Ben Cliff on Unsplash

A Lady’s Longing

My Esteemed Champion,

I am writing in some state of despair! I had been informed of your departure, but found myself uncertain of the whole of the circumstances. Thusly, I was unsure about future correspondence or communication.

You know that I am incapable of forsaking My Lord; however, I am equally incapable of imagining His kingdom without your presence. Your presence has been of great comfort to myself and provided me with support and council when in need. I cherish fondest memories of our introduction; by My Lordship’s grace, he knew that as I found my way and sorted my place that I would require more than just His love and patience to carry me forward, and how correct He was in knowing that I would come to know and love and depend on you almost as much as Him.

Not wanting to believe that your absence might be exhaustive, I have endeavoured to convince myself that you are merely on some grand expedition for My Lord, like Nelson or Captains Lewis and Clark, and thus, while I may not know or guess at the day or hour of your return, I believe in the certainty of it! For what other course of action can I possibly avail myself of, if not the surety of your eventual return and the joyous reunion that it will commence.

My Lord has been turning new leafs to be sure! I have been swooned by the renewal of his much desired affections. I have been emboldened by his presence and attention. I have set my sights on desires of my mind and heart and I have set my hands and focus to projects much neglected. I would delight that I could share my thoughts with thee, sire, or that I could receive some fondly shared council.

The fortnight previous this sennight was an incredible increase of his attentiveness reminiscent of our inception! That being stated, it should also be noted even more prominently that it was of greater breath and depth having our ensuing relations to build upon and increase. The peace and confidence instilled by His loving show endowed in me the desire to present him with certainty that I have indeed begun to find my place and trust not only my position but also His support of…

And that My Dearest Sire, is certainly where, had I but had your council would not have made such a choice that swiftly ceased that previous fortnight! This day’s stretching has been the most grievous thus far, but, I fear that I need only await the dawn break for the truth of that to reaffirm itself by leaping from the past into the present, until I fathom some way to correct my misstep. It is that fathoming that has been the elusive wisp fleeing my desirous grasp for these past days.

My instinct is to immediately issue apologies and request the topic dismissed; yet, while, that is my growing wish, what growth would it display? Am I not worthy of observing and stating such with conclusions as I feel and think, especially for the intent of increasing My Lord’s peace and joy?
Do I address the change in an attempt to ascertain the validity of my suspicions and risk creating non-existent challenges? Should I not endeavor to express my concerns and thoughts before creating an elephant that does not exist? Or do I just do nothing openly and wait until he desires my company again….

My Champion, if it has not been made apparent, your absence is sorely felt and your presence is greatly desired! I do hope that your expedition runs it course expediently and that you are returned to us with great haste!

With Baited Anticipation,
Fondly Yours

Lady X

 

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

I wonder

Are you still glad I let you in?
Do you still wonder what I think?
Do you still care what I feel?
Is it still important what’s important to me?

Should I take a scenic route?
Should I take the long way?
Should I become silent?
Should I only whisper to myself?

Are you still glad I trust you?
Do you still want my confiding?
Do you still want to know my dreams?
Is it still important where I want to be?

Would you seek me out?
Would you look for me?
Would you call my name?
Would you notice the change?

Are you still glad I want you?
Do you still hear my voice?
Do you still feel my glance?
Is it still important that you are important?

Could we meet someday?
Could we meet someplace?
Could we spend some time?
Could we share some space?

 

Photo by María Victoria Heredia Reyes on Unsplash

QUEEN OF HEART’S

Candles are burning.
Pages are turning.
A journal you sent.
Passion. Lust.
Honesty. Trust.
Is that what it all meant?

Holding key to your heart.
I worked hard. You are smart.
What I want from life is you.
Desire.Respect.
Shield. Protect.
Yes Sunshine, I need you, too.

My Queen, My Queen
Beauty unseen.
You turned my life into bliss.
My Queen, My Queen
Step on the scene.
Come on closer, I’ll give you a kiss.

Give it some time.
Our love is not crime.
Step by step, it may seem slow.
This isn’t affair.
Love, I declare.
Love everlasting, forever will glow.

What? Why? How?

What did you say?
What did I hear?
What did I say?
What did you hear?

Did I speak too fast?
Did you speak too slow?
Did I hear you right?
Did you hear what I said?

Why did you ask?
Why do I care?
Why did you speak?
Why do I listen?

When will you care?
When will I matter?
When will you see me?
When will it be my turn?

How will I know?
How will I cope?
How will I know?
How will I survive?

 

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

It’s Not Love

You lock me up
You call it love
You chain me up
You call it duty
You insult me
You thank me
You deny me
You need me

It isn’t my promise
It isn’t my duty
It isn’t my injury
It isn’t my trail

You beg for help
You chose your course
You demand assistance
You stayed your course
You claim no control
You kept silent

I didn’t get a say
I didn’t force your hand
I didn’t have a vote
I didn’t hold you down

You only see your pain
You use only words
You hide from truth
You shirk obligation
You deny reality
You refuse honesty

 

 

Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

DO YOU REMEMBER?

Do you remember the time I called you,
We talked about money and fame
Do your remember you said – it’s lousy.
I just added – Yeah, it’s lame.

Do you remember the time I called you,
We talked about cheese and wine
Do you remember you said – white is good
I just added – Red is fine.

Do you remember the time I called you,
We talked about an empty bed
Do you remember you said – It’s painful.
I just added – It’s cold and sad.

Do you remember the time I called you,
We talked about peace and love,
Do you remember you said – You’re my eagle.
I just added – You’re my dove.

Do you remember the time I called you
We talked about the miles between us
Do you remember you said – I miss you.
I just added – Yeah, I miss us.

DANCING AWAY

He was standing frozen on a high level bridge,
The air was heavy, it was down pouring rain
“Another lunatic” – people said,
But they couldn’t feel his pain..

It felt as it has been written in the sands of time,
The heart was slowly bleeding out.
The brain was hurting just as much,
His eyes were going blind.

Then he wiped his saddened face
Covering those exhausted eyes,
And listened to the bloody tears
Falling from the skies.

No one knew he lost the bride
Before she said “I do”.
Screaming her name inside his chest,
The skies have heard it too.

Smart and beautiful,
She was an evil lover’s easy prey
They held their hands together
When the lover danced her life away.

He thought he heard “I love you”
He Believed in what was said
But the winds have lied,
His heart has snapped,
There he was lying dead.

He was lying frozen on a high level bridge,
The air was heavy, it was down pouring rain
“Another lunatic” – that’s what people said,
They didn’t know he lost the bride,
They couldn’t feel his pain.

My Best Things

I have the best best friend,
I have the best teacher,
I have the best partner,
I have the best mentor,
I have the best confidant,
I have the best guide,
I have the best muse,
I have the best motivator,
I have the best safe place,
I have the best encourager,
I have the best man,
I have the best critic,
I have the best lover,
I have the best–
I have YOU!