Iskrena Istina

reflective-thinkingI am one of those people that believes in the good in others and the world. That doing good brings good.

However, I would never tell someone that something bad has happened to that it happened because they are a bad person, then I would tell them, that bad things do happen to good people.

But, then there is the saying when something bad happens to someone ‘bad’, we say they got what they deserved.

Broken Isnt BadAnd I know that we can all relate to the person that seems to always get it all, even though they are the worst person, especially to others.

So, what’s the real truth?
If we do our best to be good people doing good as much as possible, do good things happen to us?

And if bad things happen to us, is it just bad luck or did we somehow deserve it?

What is good? What is bad?

Now to throw another variable into the mix, I totally believe in free will, that we make our own choices. We, alone decide how we behave and how we treat others and what decisions we make. Even when we follow someone else’s advise or direction, it is our own choice to do so. And I also believe that all actions have consequences whether good or bad, seen or unseen.

Missing The Mark BetterI believe in some combination of destiny and making our own way. That while the universe or karma or gods or God might have some higher purpose or plan for us, we decide whether or not to follow it or to fulfill it or to live up to our potential.

But, do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try, you just don’t get a break? That for every step forward that you think you are taking, someone or something comes along and pushes you 2 steps back. Or that you spend more time side-stepping road blocks or naysayers and thus you theoretically stay in the same place instead of getting closer to your dreams.

chasing dreamsAre you ever confused about what your dreams really are? Do you doubt why you are doing what you are doing? Are the dreams you are chasing yours or the ones you have been told by others to follow? What if you have been following the dreams others told you were yours for so long that you have no dreams of your own? How do you create or discover your own dreams?

Then what? What if by luck you think that you figure out what your dream is, what do you do with it? How do you realize it? How do you make your dream the focus of your life? How do you have a good life reaching your dream in a world whose only focus seems to be money? Unless the dream is only to be rich; but, then again, how?

truth next exitIf you have read this far, then you may be asking yourself, so what is the honest truth that she is talking about?

The truth is, that if any of what I have said resonates with you, you are not alone! And if you do not have answers to any of the above dilemmas, again, you are not alone!

I have been trying to figure out a lot of the above questions and find the right answers to them and so far I do not feel like I have any of them. And while, I tend to be a very private person about my own struggles, and prefer to do what I can to help others, maybe I can try to share some of my struggles in hopes of helping out someone else with their own. If providing nothing more than a feeling of not being alone in this!

Is this love?

Since the begining of time people seem to have the need to be in control, not only in control of their own life, but in control of those around them. There’s a big difference between being a part of someone’s life and tearing apart someone’s life.

My entire life I have been told that I was different, but when people used that term to define me, it was more often than not in a negative way. Why? Well, simply because I never followed the “rules of crowd”.
What are the rules of crowd you may ask? Well, the rules of crowd are the rules of living life what majority considers normal despite the fact of the said thing perhaps not being normal.

An example, 50 years ago if you dressed what people dress like today, you would be called any name in the book. If you dress today what people dressed like 50 years ago you are considered weirdo.

So what is normal? That brings me to next question – What is love?

Is love having to text your partner 100 times a day, check in just as many times? Is love having to have passwords to emails, facebook and other social platforms within first 3 months of relationship to determine whether or not someone is cheating. In my opinion that alone is asking for trouble.

Love is build on trust, respect and understanding. My girlfriend and I are as of moment ocean apart. We do trust each other. We do communicate, but we don’t obsess if a day goes by and we didn’t get to talk or text.

I have another question, does it mean that you don’t love someone when you don’t reply with I love you or I miss you when someone expresses and confesses to you.
It seems that lots of relationships, relationship of any sorts, business, friendship, intitmate relationship, family relationships have turned into passive-agressive controlling behaviour where it’s always about YOU! and no one else.

When someone dies, first thing you think about is how are you going to live without them. Did you notice? It’s about you “Oh, poor me!”. You didn’t for a second think about the life of the other person how they felt just moments before passing away.

How many times have you heard “My partner makes me feel good about myself, he/she is encouraging, loving, caring”. Rarely anyone ever considers how their partner feels and how it affects their emotional and mental well being and then you end up surprised when someone calls quits.

The bottom line is – It’s always about you and how you feel and your needs. Learn how to leave the egoistic emotions aside and for once think about someone else, maybe then, just maybe, you will really understand what love really is.


IF YOU COULD LISTEN…

If you could listen, you would hear
All I do is gasp for air,
Why do you hold me hostage?
I’m telling you – that’s not fair.

If you could see it, you would feel it,
I always try to do things right.
I can not leave, I can not run
I don’t have the strength to fight.

If you could read, your eyes would bleed,
Every day I plead for mercy,
I can’t tell how much I hate you,
You are trash and I am worthy.

If you could smell, then you could tell
The smell of rotting body parts
While you rest just 6” under,
I serve justice behind the bars.

DANCING AWAY

He was standingย frozen on a high level bridge,
The air was heavy, it was down pouring rain
“Another lunatic” – people said,
But they couldn’t feel his pain..

It felt as it has been written in the sands of time,
The heart was slowly bleeding out.
The brain was hurting just as much,
His eyes were going blind.

Then he wiped his saddened face
Covering those exhausted eyes,
And listened to the bloody tears
Falling from the skies.

No one knew he lost the bride
Before she said “I do”.
Screaming her name inside his chest,
The skies have heard it too.

Smart and beautiful,
She was an evil lover’s easy prey
They held their hands together
When the lover danced her life away.

He thought he heard “I love you”
He Believed in what was said
But the winds have lied,
His heart has snapped,
There he was lying dead.

He was lying frozen on a high level bridge,
The air was heavy, it was down pouring rain
“Another lunatic” – that’s what people said,
They didn’t know he lost the bride,
They couldn’t feel his pain.