The Beginning…

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I was and am one of the luckiest people in the world. I have managed to find the best best friend and the most perfect for me partner, both in the same person. This is something that I think we have lost and it explains why divorce has become such a common fact and people deciding to just live together or just date a more common reality. We now have the friend zone and the dating pool and they rarely, if ever, merge and that is a bad thing. If we want the most from a relationship, our best chance of success, we should only look for love in our friend zone! Think about it, these are already the people that we like, that we trust, that we have things in common with. Not to mention they are the ones that have seen our good and bad and are still there. All the things that we say we want from a partner, yet, we look at strangers in the club or on match-making apps for our perfect mate, completely ignoring the best resource closest to us.

Don’t get me wrong! I am not saying to tear through your Friend Zone like Hurricane Andrew through South Florida. What I am saying is that refusing to follow the chemistry and or natural desires just because the other is in your friend zone is setting yourself up for failure. First, if you are true friends, then seeing where dating will lead will not end the friendship. More importantly, if the dating leads to the happily ever after turn off, you have a much greater chance of success since you are friends first.

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My partner and I started as friends first, matter of fact, neither of us wanted more than friendship. And that friendship very quickly ignited into a blazing fire that shot like a rocket to the intersection of No Return and Happily Ever After! And sure because our little embers of friendship blew up into a raging wildfire we did have some growing pains and lots of challenges. Our best advantage for overcoming them all; our foundation was our friendship! No, we were not life long friends, but, we clicked from the “friends” part from the start and we have never lost it or forgotten it. And these prompts from the beginning are more true today than they were then:

An Engaging Conversation . . . . .

The last person that I had a really great conversation with is the same person that I always have really great conversations with, from the first day we met. That person is the love of my life. He is smart and engaging and one of the most interesting people I have ever had the privilege of spending time with. Words are not adequate to properly express how much I enjoy my time with the most important person in my life. I can honestly say that he is the first person that I have ever met that I truly want to spend every minute with. I have met others that I do enjoy my time with them, but I also enjoy my time apart. Not so with my favorite man, I never seem to have enough time to spend with him and unlike others where I knew that the interest was temporary. I cannot imagine ever losing any interest, matter of fact my interest grows everyday. I look forward to every minute with him and I dislike every minute away from him.

If I couldn’t be me with you…..

If I couldn’t be me with you,
I wish to have been a cotton plant
grown and cultivated
to be the finest thread of Egyptian cotton,
dyed your favorite shade of your favorite color.
To be spun into the strongest softest thread,
woven into sheets that wrap around you each and every night….
keeping your dreams safe
surrounding you with love
The nights with you would be the most perfect
I could imagine or hope for.
I would be the envy of every angel in the heavens,
to be able to be so close to you
to feel your skin
to bask in your warmth,
not even heaven could compare to you.

Birthday Bogus

birthdaySo last week was B’s birthday. I have to admit that I am not big on birthdays; I do try to do my best to do something special for those I love on their special day, but, I also try to make sure that I respect the fact that it is their special day and so if they would prefer to spend it with others or alone or doing something else with someone else, then I step back.
I also tend to be the one that no one knows for sure, if at all, when my birthday is. It is not information that I tend to share with others. Personally, I do not see the need. I have no desire to obligate others to behave in some socially dictated way on a specific day towards me that they would have no desire to do on any ordinary day.

Thus, those that know me, know that “no one knows my birthday”, not even most family, the plus side is that no one tends to know my age either, not for sure anyway. The plus there is more of a double edged sword, people treat you either by the age they think you are based on their view of you or they treat you the age they assume people must be to have reached or accomplished certain milestones in life. Thus, there are some that would probably be very surprised to know my age is so “high” or “low” depending on their point of view.

Here’s my issue with society being so focused on birthdays and ages. Birthdays are used to market more consumerism to people. Society implies that we are supposed to party it up on our birthday. Society also stresses the importance of buying and giving gifts on birthdays. In addition, as the numbers increase with each of these celebrations, we are judged by societal milestone beliefs.

You are expected to get your driver’s license on your 16th celebration and there will be questions if you do not.
A lot is made of one’s 18th celebration as well….on that one you are supposed to have the rest of your life planned out.
For your 21st, it is all about being able to legally drink!
Wait a minute, this is your 30th and you are single with no kids?!?!
What is wrong with you??? What are you waiting for??? You do know that your life is over with, right?
Just wait, now it’s your 40th and you are either still single or you a got married to get everyone off your back, so they would think that you really are successful or a normal adult! And that worked so well, that you are now one of the “normal” divorced “middle-agers”!

Usually between that dreaded 40th and or 50th, most people have been judged so much that they question everything about themselves and enter that proverbial “mid-life crisis”! Everyone and their mother has been telling “you” how to live your life and what you should do and what makes you happy so much so, that usually depending on the “you” that you are,
you lose it!

You snap! 

You rebel!

And you start looking for things that actually make you happy or truly excite you and these things make others mad or crazy or upset, but you don’t care, cause you have spent the last “lifetime” caring too much about what others think and even actually believing them that they know best or better or even that they know you, for that matter!
But No More!

What’s the point?
You spent so much energy trying to be part of the rat race.
Worse you have made yourself unhealthy by trying to win a race that is designed to keep you always in the back of the pack.
And now at that time in your life when you should be able to reflect on your accomplishments and take the time to enjoy the fruits of your labor, you are stressing about how you will cover the costs of your retirement, at this point you are well aware of the fact that none of the things that you gave the best of your life to are giving any of it back to you.

Your parents and grandparents worked the same job for their whole ‘careers’ and for their loyalty they got a decent retirement and were able to enjoy their golden years. Then those companies that were built on that loyalty, decided that it was the ‘share-holders’ and not the workers that made the company. The truth was lost to the profit margin! Dividends became the focus instead of the product or service that the company supposedly provided. So much so that we have companies today that make billions and they produce nothing, they sell nothing, they provide no service, yet they make billions. And the workers, they cannot even count on being able to retire, while trust-fund brats from share-holder robbery have never known a day of labor their whole lives.

And there’s your life!
There is where all those “birthdays” got you!
“Another day older and deeper in debt.”

Photo Credit: animatedimages.org

Happy Birthday To My One And Only

My Dearest Darling,

I wanted to take a few minutes to share some things with you. It has been 4 years since you came into my life and gave me a world that was full of light and joy and hope and peace. It has been that long since I have wondered what it would be like to be in a loving real relationship, cause that is now an every day life for me. Each day with you is like a dream come to life. With you I see the world from a different point of view. You have given me so much and I am so very grateful; but, what you have given me the most of, is myself.

You have provided me with a home, with a safe harbor, a place that I can be me, a place that I can come to when I need and want. You have given me a place where I feel like I belong, where I feel special and needed and loved and wanted. You looked harder and deeper in me than anyone has ever looked before; and, you found that little gem that with some polish could shine and glow in a little part of the world.

You have mended the broken parts that you found and turned the scars into Kintsukuroi. You have supported me when I have wanted to explore and picked me up when life knocked me down. You have encouraged me and gently guided me all with love. You give me hope and courage when I cannot find them in myself. You lift me up and give me wings to soar. You envelope me and give me a shoulder to cry on.

In you I have all that I need. In you I find all that I want. You are my Alpha and my Omega. You are my Sun and my Moon. You are my breath and my heartbeat. You are my infinity and my finite. You are my dawn and my dusk. You are my desire and my necessitate. You are my time, my space, my universe.

I will always love you. You will always be the man that I want. You will always be the man that I need. You will always be where I want to be.

Yours Always and Forever,

Better Words

Lots of times what others say is so much better than whatever I manage; and today I want to share someone else’s much better words……

From the inspiring and provocative mind of Immortal Technique……

Immortal_Technique“I haven’t really spoken on this before but I will now. My father was a hard man. He was really tough on me, physical training, mental exercises, not being able to offer up unsophisticated excuses for what I did wrong. Those of you who know me personally know that the old Colonel was no joke. One day when I was a very young man he pulled me aside, and he said to me sternly, “Don’t ever be a coward my son.” I looked up at him confused at first, but I just listened. He said, “the definition of a coward is a man who is disrespected at the workplace, laughed at in the street, and walked over by the world. But instead of confronting those things, instead of confronting those people. He goes home and takes it out on the one person who is closest to him. That is not a warrior. That is not a man. He has not vanquished a worthy foe. He is a fuckin’ coward. Don’t you ever be a coward my son.” My father doesn’t really curse so to hear him talk like that left me with a strong impression of what it was to be a man. It is not just great strength that guides us, but great wisdom and great love. I have worked funding lots of programs and shelters over the years. Please remember, if you have a problem, you have a problem. However if you have a problem and you don’t tell anyone then you have a really big problem. Talk to a friend. Tell someone you trust. Call a hotline. Remove the cancer. Peace” ‪#‎ImmortalTechnique‬ ‪#‎domesticabuse‬ ‪#‎tellsomeone‬ ‪#‎warrior‬ ‪#‎father‬

domestic violence psa

 

I Saw This And Thought

2020-03-26 17.12.23 randommusingmind.blogspot.com 94b08d3c70dcScrolling through my wall in FB, I saw this post from Hopeless Romantics 101’s and as I was reading it, I thought . . . . hmm, I don’t know about the conclusions made. While, yes I agree that being in love and loving are 2 different things. I believe that love doesn’t begin when being in love ends, not if it is real or true love. If it is real and true then being in love and loving join and become an incredible union in and of itself. One doesn’t stop and then the other begins, not if it is real and true.
See, I am very much in love with my man. Just the thought of him still gives me butterflies. His smile still melts me. I still think he is the best thing since sliced bread, no he is the best thing ever, even better than sliced bread. No one has ever made me feel the way he does. He can make me feel pretty and special. He lifts me up when I am down. He encourages me when I want to step outside my comfort zone. We still have long conversations, some with no pauses, some where we are so excited that we talk over each other and some with very comfortable pauses. And those hours are the best part of my day. His hugs still make everything better and his kisses sweep me off my feet.
Absolutely, yes, I still get overwhelming separation anxiety. I miss him like crazy when he is gone and hate going a day without the sound of his voice. He is the one that I always want to share my day with, the good, the bad, the ugly. He is the first one I want to ‘brag’ to. He is the first one that I want when the day beats me. He is the one who’s opinion matters most.
While I do consider us ‘perfect’, we are a real couple in a real world. We have had tears, both happy and sad ones. We have had the stress of life, moves and new jobs and new opportunities and family drama. We have had sadness, loss and misunderstandings and challenges to face and overcome. But for me, none of it was ever a chore. I never considered it to be the worst of him or me or us. And I have never wanted to be anywhere else. And I certainly have never wanted to be with someone else.
I still get giddy excited by random ‘I Love You’s. He still gives me flowers just because. I still love giving him handwritten love letters. He still calls just to hear the sound of my voice. I still get overexcited when he has extra time just for us. I am still super proud of him and all his achievements. He is still my favorite thing to brag about. Matter of fact he is my all-time favorite topic. I always feel his love and presence in everything that I do. I will always be in love with him and I will always love him and show that love in everything that I do. So no, my being in love will not end and my love already exists. Cause what we have is real and true love. It is timeless and eternal. It is both being in love and loving joined as perfectly as he and I are joined. It is that rare thing that everyone looks for and few find. It is perfect and it is ours.