So I have this, usually not very good for me, habit that I am trying to work on reining in some. And today, I did manage, with the help of my totally amazing and completely supportive partner, to make the choice to not save the world by killing myself and more importantly, being okay with the choice.
See, I think sometimes when we are trying to change or balance some aspect of ourselves, what makes the changes so hard is not the logic or reason behind needing to change, nor is it always about making and following through with the choice. Most of the times what sabotages us is the emotional weight after making and or following through with the better choice.
It is that emotional weight that prevents us from staying the course of making the change that will eventually make us happier and healthier. And while it is not really ourselves not wanting what is best for us, it is about the habit or normalness of what we have been doing for so long to not risk being unhappy because others are unhappy with us.
From birth we have all the outsiders that tell us what is right and wrong, what is good and bad, and even what is best for us. In addition some of these people constantly convince us to change our minds by manipulating us into believing that they know more or better what will make us happier and better people. Most of the time they are not right, at least not completely and sometimes they are flat out wrong. Now, I am not blaming our loved ones for being bad or mean or anything negative. In most cases, they are merely following the example that they grew up with. Their thought process is that it is the adults’ job to tell the child what to do and how to do and even why to do’ in addition, a lot of times they are also telling the child how to feel about things. And that is the grossest error!
The result is that we grow up and some of us still allow everyone else to tell us how we feel and what we should do to make others happy and how that will supposedly make us happy. The reality is that most of the time it doesn’t make us happy at all, it usually makes us very unhappy.
In general, I think that we are all generous souls. We are after all a very social pack animal. It is one of the reasons that dog is man’s best friend, we are both pack animals and we, at our core, rely on that packness for everything. Thus, I do not think that we need to tell each other how much to give in order to be happy and instead we need to accept what others are willing and able to give and be grateful. And we need to be able to do and give what we are able to in the way that is best for us and others accept that from us.
We need to allow ourselves and others to say No! and we need to be okay and even happy with ourselves and each other when we say No. We need to, also, understand and accept that a single No or even a dozen Noes is not the end of the world. Nor does saying No once or twice or a dozen times make us a bad person.
It really is okay to be okay with saying No.
Photo Credit: tinybuddha.com